Posts Tagged ‘Smallville’

IntroductionImage I don’t know about you but when I think of superheroes (which is at least twice a day) I immediately think Superman. He is powerful and benevolent, essentially a God.

Having being raised by a non-religious flock, by the time I was eventually introduced to the idea of religion I was an atheist without realising. As I made new friends in High School who had different beliefs I found they all had one thing in common, their faiths gave them hope and the idea that if they better themselves they will be rewarded (either by a pleasant afterlife or being reincarnated as Scarlett Johansson’s camera phone). This is similar to my belief system, karma, if you do something nice, something nice will happen to you. Helping people is, in my opinion, the best way to do something nice, heroes help people, and the greatest hero is Superman. So I am providing a how-to guide on being Superman (minus the super powers) in order to better your lives and those around you.

Strength One of Superman’s key abilities is his super-human strength, whether he’s punching Zod in the face, lifting a continent into space or kicking a murderer into the sun (see below), Kal-El’s strength is a vital part of his superhero arsenal.

Now you aren’t going to be able to lift a car after this tutorial but some strength is still important. You can’t threaten a mugger with stick-thin arms. Join a gym, start lifting weights and hit the bench press, throw in some dead-lifts and after a month or so people will be queueing up for tickets to the gun show and villains will flee from the meaty arms of justice.



Superman has been shown as able to run as fast as the Flash and nearing light-speed. Also he never seems to get tired as long as he’s in the sun’s rays, speed and stamina are essential for Superman to get to disasters as quickly as possible.

In reality we aren’t going to get that fast, but a boost in stamina will definitely help you on your way to becoming a resident superhero. I’d recommend jogging, starting with short 20 minute runs 3 times a week, and gradually increasing the duration of the runs. Alternatively start a sport like squash or football where you’re always moving and watch your fitness levels skyrocket! After a month or two, you will notice a vast increase in your speed and stamina and you’ll be able to catch that handbag thief with ease.

Invulnerability and Longevity 


Having bullets bounce off his chest is a classic Superman trait, striking fear into the hearts of thugs hiding behind their guns. Also Superman ages extremely slowly as seen in the animated Dark Knight Returns Part 2 when a still youthful Clark must fight the elderly (but in no way frail) Batman.
You’re going to want to live for as long as possible in order to help as many people as possible, for starts don’t get shot! We aren’t bulletproof unfortunately, but what you can do to extend your life is to be fit and eat healthily. You should already be pretty fit from all that time in the gym and doing sport, but all that training will be for nothing if you celebrate a great sesh with a Big Mac. Get your 5-a-day and start an eating plan to increase your muscle-gain and fat-loss, many great diets can be found on-line and most involve maxing your protein intake whilst still keeping a nutrient-rich lifestyle. You may not be bulletproof and you may not live forever, but whack on a kevlar vest and this is the closest we’ll get.



One of Superman’s lesser known traits is his super-intellect. He normally swoops in, punches the bad-guy and leaves, leaving it to Batman to do the planning and intelligence side of operations. But Superman is from a race of beings far superior to humans, with technology and knowledge thousands of years ahead of Earth, and he is actually far more intelligent than his sometimes thuggish nature lets on.

Increasing your intelligence is easier than it might seem, try and learn something new, perhaps a language or skill. Spending just a little bit of time on something like that a day will encourage your brain to buck up and start to take in more and more information. Reading a book can also help increase your vocabulary and other skills (I could do with reading a few more books). Think logically,  look at the situation you’re in and think, “What is the smartest thing to do right now?”.

Master Combatant


Whilst Superman usually relies on his immense strength and speed to battle his way out of situations, sometimes that isn’t possible (for instance under a red sun or fighting someone on a physical par e.g. Zod), so Superman must use his knowledge of fighting styles and tactics to take out his foes. With advanced combat training taught to him by Batman (esteemed former member of the League of Shadows) and Wonder Woman (Amazonian Warrior Princess) and also a knowledge of two Kryptonian fighting styles Torquasm-Rao and Torquasm-Vo, he easily deals with combat both with or without his powers.

I’ve checked and nowhere on Earth offers training in Torquasm-Rao and Torquasm-Vo unfortunately, but there are plenty of institutes that offer other martial arts and self-defense training. My advice is to learn one or more of these, you need to know how to use your strength and speed in real situations.



With or without his amazing powers, Superman is hero through and through, doing everything he can to save everyone he can. He has no prejudice, regardless of what someone has done, Superman will try and help them. If Green Arrow lived in Metropolis, Luthor would have had an arrow through his skull the moment he committed a crime, but Superman believes in reformation and second-chances (or 100th chances for some villains), with a kill count of 0 and an uncountable save count, Superman is a hero.
Take a leaf out of his book, don’t judge, everyone deserves to be saved and those who have broken the law deserve to stand trial. We aren’t becoming vigilantes, we are becoming heroes.

Get yourself a Lois Lane 


You don’t think Clark without thinking Lois, she’s his rock, the one person on Earth who treats him like an equal, calling him out when she thinks he’s in the wrong. Superman needs his Lois Lane, without a firm link to mankind it would be too easy to lose his empathy towards our species.

Now this isn’t saying you can’t be a hero without a boyfriend or girlfriend, you just need someone you care about, like a family member or friend. Superman never flies faster, tries harder or fights longer than when it’s Lois he is rescuing. We can use this, if you are unsure whether to help someone, imagine it was your special person and think about how you’d want someone to help them.

Costume and Name (Optional) Hey! You are well on your way to being a superhero, why not go the whole way and turn yourself into an iconic symbol that the world recognises and respects? Spandex seems to be a favourite amongst superheroes and nothing screams out “I’m here to save you” than someone about to burst out of their skin-tight onesie. Now you have to watch out for copyright laws, so an original idea might be for the best, but if these porn stars can do it, why can’t you? Image

Review OK, you’re strong, you’re fast and you have the right morals. You are as close to being Superman as a human is likely to get. If being a good human isn’t enough for you I’d recommend getting rich and then pouring all your money into becoming the ultimate crime-fighter (Iron Man/Batman), get bitten by a radioactive creature (Spider-Man), irradiate yourself (The Hulk) or train yourself to your physical peak and learn how to use a weapon (Hawkeye, Green Arrow, Nightwing).

Opportunity Now don’t go looking for trouble and starting fights, you’ll be no help to society in jail or in intensive care, you are now the secret protector walking around in your Clark Kent guise, patiently waiting for an opportunity to show your true colours. Chances are you won’t be stopping any bank robberies or plots to destroy the world, but during crises like broken down cars, people being mugged/harassed, an old lady struggling to cross the road with her bags, all it takes is for one person, you, to step up and do what others won’t. It can be difficult putting yourself out there, some people might not want your help, you might not even be able to help, but if you can change the life of one person just by showing some kindness to your neighbour, then you are a hero, and you should be proud of that.


Thank you for reading, now go out and make the world a better place following the teachings of the greatest superhero of them all, Superman.

p.s. for more tips, go watch Man of Steel on 14th June =)